Don't have anyone to talk to lately, feel like im lost and alone. theres this emptiness inside that just doenst want to go away. i can mask it when people are around and when im occupied with things, but its still there. just going at me on the inside. trying to break me with every passing moment. i wonder why that is. is it because i dont have strong faith? what is this missing piece in my life? is it a missing significant other? i dont think so cause i have a man that loves me and i love him but its not enough. is it lack of parental/sibling support? no, because they are there when i need them, at least in a way they can be.
It still feels so worthless, so empty. nothing seems to be going exactly like i wanted it to. sure its close or even similar or even what i prayed for, but only kind of. what i wanted in my mind was slightly different. maybe thats why im not honestly happy. i cant say im unhappy, cuase im not. im very very blessed in so many ways that i can't even count them. but happy, no im not. is anyone really happy? is it bad to want to be happy when no one is ever really happy? does every one feel this way? am i just the same as everyone else? probably.
blah i cant even write out how im feeling properly. i probably just need a good cry.
fuck being a girl.
fuck life.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Monday, December 7, 2009
New Years/Eve!!!
So my sister is coming to NYC to celebrate the holidays with me, since I went home over thanksgivng. She needs a break too. (pray for her, she is trying to get into dental school!)
Anyway, I'm so excited! I get to do the touristy things that the BF and I can't get to because of our busy schedules and studying. Def doing a bunch of the 'touristy' restaurants like Serendipity, and a few others. And definitely going to see the ball drop on NYE!!!! Trying to find a good, cheap restaurant for NYE dinner close to Times Square, but thats nearly impossible, it'll be at least 50 bucks each. Thats a lot for a bunch of students.
Anyway, I wanted to write down my New Years Goals:
1) Loose weight! (at least 15 lbs) - I will accomplish this by joining a gym, found one whos monthly dues are 20 bucks, which is perfect but their registration is 200$, so I'm going to ask them if they can lower it, if not I'll be a good investment. Especially during my exam time, to let out some stress.
2) Get engaged! - Do this by introducing the idea of my BF to Dad, and get his parents and my parents to agree on the issues and let us be happy. God willing.
3) Get a good skin cleaning routine - Buy student friendly products for 25+ skin.
4) Wear more fashionable clothing - Will accomplish this by buying clothes that will make an outfit, not just random pieces. I'm getting better at this, thinking about what I have in my closets and what will go with what I'm buying. Hopefully I'll get better looking with the weight loss and acutally wear my amazing clothes.
5) Make more effort with my siblings/grandparents - call/email talk to them more.
6) Go to all my long list of to-go places in nyc - study hard during the week and spend sunday exploring!
7) Spend less time on the computer! - no idea how i'll accomplish this, but hopefully I'll do it!
Anyway, wish me luck! and Pray for my sister please!!
Anyway, I'm so excited! I get to do the touristy things that the BF and I can't get to because of our busy schedules and studying. Def doing a bunch of the 'touristy' restaurants like Serendipity, and a few others. And definitely going to see the ball drop on NYE!!!! Trying to find a good, cheap restaurant for NYE dinner close to Times Square, but thats nearly impossible, it'll be at least 50 bucks each. Thats a lot for a bunch of students.
Anyway, I wanted to write down my New Years Goals:
1) Loose weight! (at least 15 lbs) - I will accomplish this by joining a gym, found one whos monthly dues are 20 bucks, which is perfect but their registration is 200$, so I'm going to ask them if they can lower it, if not I'll be a good investment. Especially during my exam time, to let out some stress.
2) Get engaged! - Do this by introducing the idea of my BF to Dad, and get his parents and my parents to agree on the issues and let us be happy. God willing.
3) Get a good skin cleaning routine - Buy student friendly products for 25+ skin.
4) Wear more fashionable clothing - Will accomplish this by buying clothes that will make an outfit, not just random pieces. I'm getting better at this, thinking about what I have in my closets and what will go with what I'm buying. Hopefully I'll get better looking with the weight loss and acutally wear my amazing clothes.
5) Make more effort with my siblings/grandparents - call/email talk to them more.
6) Go to all my long list of to-go places in nyc - study hard during the week and spend sunday exploring!
7) Spend less time on the computer! - no idea how i'll accomplish this, but hopefully I'll do it!
Anyway, wish me luck! and Pray for my sister please!!
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