Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Appropriate Sentiments for NYEE

Don't have anyone to talk to lately, feel like im lost and alone. theres this emptiness inside that just doenst want to go away. i can mask it when people are around and when im occupied with things, but its still there. just going at me on the inside. trying to break me with every passing moment. i wonder why that is. is it because i dont have strong faith? what is this missing piece in my life? is it a missing significant other? i dont think so cause i have a man that loves me and i love him but its not enough. is it lack of parental/sibling support? no, because they are there when i need them, at least in a way they can be.

It still feels so worthless, so empty. nothing seems to be going exactly like i wanted it to. sure its close or even similar or even what i prayed for, but only kind of. what i wanted in my mind was slightly different. maybe thats why im not honestly happy. i cant say im unhappy, cuase im not. im very very blessed in so many ways that i can't even count them. but happy, no im not. is anyone really happy? is it bad to want to be happy when no one is ever really happy? does every one feel this way? am i just the same as everyone else? probably.

blah i cant even write out how im feeling properly. i probably just need a good cry.

fuck being a girl.

fuck life.

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